When Your Own Children Reject You: Understanding Parent Alienation

January 23, 2025 Danielle A. Calise

As a parent, nothing is more heartbreaking than being rejected by your child. Parent alienation is a growing phenomenon that has left many parents feeling lost, confused, and utterly devastated. It occurs when one parent deliberately turns the child against the other parent, often resulting in the child having no contact or relationship with their alienated parent. The reasons for this can vary, from a messy divorce to a toxic co-parenting relationship. Whatever the cause, the effects of parent alienation can be long-lasting and damaging for all parties involved. In this article, we will delve deeper into the concept of parent alienation, explore its causes and effects, and discuss how parents can cope with and overcome this heartbreaking experience.

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What is parent alienation?

Parent alienation, also known as parental alienation syndrome (PAS), is a term used to describe when one parent manipulates their child to reject the other parent. This manipulation can be direct or indirect, and it often involves the parent speaking negatively about the other parent to the child or even withholding contact between the two. The alienating parent may also use the child to relay messages or gather information about the other parent, putting the child in the middle of their conflict.

Parent alienation can occur in both intact and separated families, but it is often more prevalent in the latter. It can be intentional or unintentional and can occur at any age, from infancy to adulthood. The effects of parent alienation can be devastating for both the alienated parent and the child and can last a lifetime.

Unmasking the Tragedy of Parental Alienation

Signs of parent alienation

Parent alienation can be difficult to detect, especially in the early stages. However, some signs may indicate that your child is being manipulated to reject you. These signs include:

Your child avoids you or refuses to spend time with you.
Your child speaks negatively about you or repeats negative comments from the other parent.
Your child does not want to attend family events or holidays with you.
Your child does not want to talk to you or answer your calls or messages.
Your child shows a sudden change in behavior or personality.
Your child rejects your family members.

If you notice any of these signs, taking action and seeking help as soon as possible is important. It is important to understand that most psychologists and attorneys involved with the family court system commonly deny that this exists and may even actively participate in the targeting or, at minimum, not support any attempts at mitigating the negative impacts of the targeting.

The effects of parent alienation on children

Parent alienation can have serious and long-lasting effects on children. Children who are alienated from a parent may struggle with depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. They may also have difficulty forming healthy relationships in the future, as they may struggle with trust and attachment issues.

In some cases, children who are alienated from a parent may also suffer from parental guilt, feeling as though they have done something wrong by rejecting their parent. This guilt can lead to further emotional distress and can make it even harder for the child to reconcile with the alienated parent.

The children may have difficulty forming healthy adult relationships as they never developed the conflict resolution skills necessary to sustain a long-term, healthy, committed relationship. What they grew up witnessing was that it was better, or at least easier, to throw away the relationship than to work through the superficial angst and delve into the underlying true emotions.

The Silent Break – Deciding When to Go No-Contact with Loved Ones

Coping strategies for rejected parents

Being rejected by your own child can be devastating, but some coping strategies can help you navigate this difficult experience. These strategies include:

Seeking support from friends and family members who understand what you are going through.
Engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or therapy.
Keeping a journal to help you process your emotions and experiences.
Staying involved in your child's life as much as possible, even if it is just through small gestures such as sending a letter or a birthday card. (This is a slippery slope!)
Finding a support group for parents dealing with parent alienation.

Remember, taking care of yourself during this difficult time is not just important, it's a priority.

The Need to Be Liked: Breaking Free from Approval

Reconciliation and rebuilding relationships

Reconciliation with an alienated child can be a long and difficult process, but it is not impossible. It is important to approach the situation with patience and understanding and to avoid becoming defensive or angry. Here are some tips for reconciling with an alienated child:

Be open and honest with your child about your feelings and your desire to rebuild your relationship.
Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, as this can make the child feel guilty or defensive.
Be patient and understanding, and give your child space to process their emotions and feelings.
Seek the help of a therapist or mediator if needed.
Accept that reconciliation may never happen.
Understand that if the other parent maintains an unhealthy level of control over the children, it may be emotionally unsafe to reconcile you and your children.

Remember, reconciliation is a process, and it may take time and effort to rebuild your relationship with your child.

The Toxic Enablers – Unveiling the Manipulative Dynamics of Narcissists and Their Flying Monkeys

Therapy for Parent Alienation

Therapy can be an invaluable resource for parents who are dealing with parental alienation. A therapist can help you process your emotions and experiences, develop coping strategies, and work towards reconciliation with your child. Several types of therapy, including individual therapy, family therapy, and mediation, may be helpful for parents.

Support Groups for Parents Dealing with Parent Alienation

Support groups can also be a helpful resource for parents dealing with parental alienation. These groups provide a safe and supportive environment for parents to share their experiences, receive advice and guidance, and connect with others who are going through similar situations. Support groups can be found online or in person, and they are often free or low-cost.

Conclusion

Parent alienation is a heartbreaking experience that can have serious and long-lasting effects on both the alienated parent and the child. It is important for parents to be aware of the signs of parent alienation and to take action if they suspect that their child is being manipulated. Coping strategies such as seeking support, engaging in self-care activities, and staying involved in your child's life may help you navigate this difficult experience. Conversely, cutting off all contact with your children for some amount of time may also become necessary, and however painful this is, you must take care of yourself first. Reconciliation with an alienated child may be possible, but it takes time, effort, and patience. Remember, you are not alone, and there is help available.

I am still wondering if I will ever be able to forgive my children and if I will ever be emotionally safe with them. Hope was killing me, so I had to accept that they were not in my life radically and may never be. I will never be able to understand how their father believes that this makes him a good parent... how he doesn't see that this could destroy their lives forever... why he can let his hatred for me potentially damage our children just because I wouldn't love him anymore.